7/7/12 - I am the Malvern Marauder

Distance - 8 Miles
Caches - 5 out of 8 found
Weather - You know the score by now.
Post Walk Refreshment - Bacon Fries and Bathams at the Nag's Head

Colwall to Malvern Link

After last weekends uninspiring walking on a caching round, I wanted to redress the balance.  So off to the Malverns to follow a walk called the "Malvern Marauder" that is in Trail Magazine, Oct 97.  The plan suggests that you can ride it, run it or walk it.  Walk it, it is.

Head down the well known route.  As I swing off the motorway, expecting the jaw dropping views of the hills, something is wrong.  They are not there..... buried beneath the clouds.

Seriously - how long is this going to go on for?  Should I build an ark, instead of looking for tupperware?

This walk is linear and involves parking at Colwall - following 2/3rds of the Malvern Ridge and then getting the train back from Malvern Link.  I know the paths well and there are some new caches, especially around Colwall, to find.

Over the railway bridge and find the first cache easily enough.  Head across the woodland and fields and fail on the next two.  Think I need a refresher course in the british trees.  Start looking for number 4 - which is in a hazel tree.  It goes completely black.  It starts raining, monsoon style and I can hear a muggle grunting heavily, cajooling an animal with cries of "we need to get out of this bloody rain".  I was expecting a dog walker..... I got a farmer trying to chase a sheep up the hill.  Turns out the sheep has pneumonia.  I cannot say I am surprised.  If we find a ram to along with it, it can come in my ark.

Record a 3 DNF in a row.... I am not sure this has happened to me before.  I call of the search when I fall over.

Could be mistaken for having fun.

The fifth cache of the day has a really easy clue.  If I don't find this one, I am retiring and putting all my walking books back on ebay, from whence they came.  Find it.  Oh well, I'll be back out next week.
Pick up the Malverns proper at the Hotel opposite British Camp car park.  Should have gone to the tea shack.  Head North on the well known paths.  I'm in the clouds, the rain is hurting my head and there is nothing at all to see.  Get an easy cache near Wyche cutting, but this involves going through knee high grass.  So I have very wet feet to add to the list of grumbles now.

Cross the road - next cache cannot be found because there are two random muggles staring at it.  In the pouring rain.  I wait to see if they will move... they don't.  Oh well, I'll head up into the ominous black clouds.

The next cache is at a Hawthorn tree.  I am in the bowels of the tree looking and I hear a runner pull up and stop.  I look around and scare him.  He's only have a jack nash up the other side of the tree.

Just when you think things couldn't get more grim.  He can't stop.  And neither can I, I haven't found it yet.

Soon do - he runs off, no doubt muttering pervert to himself.

Then its a climb up the beacon.  A minor break in the clouds and I ask a fellow walker what that golden ball in the sky is.  She didn't know either.

All I need is a Tornado

I'm so playing golf next weekend

Then its a case of dropping down around North Hill and Sugarloaf to get back to civilisation.

My post walk refreshment is the excellent Nags head.  I burst through the door, only to see a large group of 9 ordering food in any combination except what is on the menu.  10 minutes pass.  When the barman serves a regular who has come to the bar after me, I test out their no swearing policy with a cry of "Jesus Christ".  Not in the mood for bad service.  Still, the Bathams was as good as any pint I have ever had.

Quick cache on the common before getting to the station.  The trains are every hour at 42mins past the hour.  Its an unmanned station, so I have to work out how to buy a ticket from a machine, when the price isn't detailed (Turns out that you pay something and then settle the difference "at the earliest opportunity").  I have 10 minutes to entertain myself by looking at what the youth of Malvern are wearing.... lets start at the bottom.

• Espadrilles
• No Socks
• Jeans halfway down his arse, with elasticated cuffs at the bottom, halfway up his leg
• Tiger print Pants (I know people think I make this stuff up, really, I don't)
• A decent Adidas top
• ... ruined by an american flag drapped around himself, like an old ladies scarf.

I contemplate which bits of this ensamble will work on me, when the train comes.

3.5 hours to get here and dropped off at the car in 9 minutes.

So, am I going to let monsoons, 3 DNF on the bounce, wet feet, bad service and sartorial inelegance get me down? 

Hell yes, I is well vexed.