20/01/24 - Upton Upon Severn - The Pubs and the Old Hills

 Tripadvisor points to Britain's Rudest Landlady

I never need much of an excuse to bang on about Soho's Coach and Horses. Home of Britain's rudest landlord and when I'm rich, I will invest a copy of his memoir - "You're Barred, You Bastards"

Maybe I should make an offer

Norman Balon wasn't your typical pub landlord. He wasn't the jovial, beer-bellied man with a friendly ear and a ready smile. No, Norman Balon was the infamous "rudest landlord in London," a gruff, no-nonsense character who ruled his domain, The Coach and Horses in Soho, with an iron fist (and a sharper tongue).

His reign over the pub, stretching from 1943 to 2006, was legendary. Patrons were greeted with insults as readily as pints, with Balon's barbs ranging from the mildly sarcastic to the hilariously brutal. He reveled in his reputation, even going so far as to have "London's rudest landlord" emblazoned on the pub's exterior and on his own merchandise.

But beneath the gruff exterior, there was more to Balon than meets the eye. He was a shrewd businessman who transformed The Coach and Horses from a struggling establishment into a Soho institution, frequented by artists, writers, and journalists. He was also fiercely loyal to his regulars, offering them a sanctuary from the outside world, even if it came with a side of verbal abuse.

Balon's legacy is complex. Some saw him as a lovable curmudgeon, a character straight out of a Dickens novel. Others found his abrasiveness unbearable. But one thing is undeniable: Norman Balon was a one-of-a-kind figure who left an indelible mark on Soho and the British pub scene.

In an increasingly homogenised world, does this type of character still exist?

Tripadvisor would suggest that the spirit of curmudgeonly public service lives on in the Little Muggery, Upton on Severn. Filtering on the One Star reviews (the most common), an ideal way to waste away an hour. Complaints range from the cash only bar, to general rudeness to customers being accused of interfering with the Christmas Tree.

In the interest of balance, the good reviews point to the quality of the food.  

Just don't read the description of what a 1 star food hygiene rating means

Our room for the night is directly opposite the pub and I couldn't wait to investigate. A quick peek through the window showed the hand written "Cash Only" sign pinned to an unused hand pull. A warning that a previous visit had seen a member of the party ask for a rosé to be told "We have Red and White".

Across the threshold of the Little Upton Muggery

7pm on a Saturday night and our party of four were the only customers. Miriam (or Murial) sat in the rear bar, ready to answer any of our questions that the obvious conversations starters demanded. 

"How many mugs are there?" - 3000

"How long have you had the pub?" - 30 years

"That's quite a smell of cabbage" - Preparation for tomorrow's Sunday lunch

Mugs

"Britain's Oldest Muggery Inn" - A previously unknown sub-genre of pub

I "risked" the Ludlow Best and found it to be pint of the night. There is a good reason for this, as the next pub will reveal. 

Always a little weird visiting a pub with no other punters, but it was an experience and one that should be celebrated.

Who will take this place on next? Whoever it is, it won't be the same  30 years of service gives you the right to run things exactly as you want.

So what else is there is Upton on Severn? Next stop of was the White Lion Hotel. An impressive coaching inn dating from 1510, Multi roomed, hotel "poshness" and a surprising little black and white external sign.

Donnington Brewery. Their latest acquisition, so new they haven't added a walk to their app.

In a world of change, the SBA remains as it ever was and always will be.

And of course, the only Good Beer Guide pub in town had to be checked. Ye Olde Anchor providing St Austell Tribute and charm aplenty - in the way only a black and white timbered pub dating from 1601 can.

The Walk? An uninspiring 3 mile circuit around the Old Hills just out of town. We had some views of the Malvern Hills, lots of mud yet despite being so close, did not get a view of Madresfield Court. One of the longest continually owned houses outside of the Royal Family in the UK.

Forced to google

The Malvern Hills from the Old Hills

Walk Details

Distance - 3 Miles

Geocaches - 0

Walk Inspiration - Ordnance Survey Book 74 - "The Malverns to Warwickshire" - Walk 1