Which is the best (and worst) Wetherspoons in Central Birmingham? Only one way to find out. Go geocaching.
It was my old friend the Adventure Lab Cache's fault. With a rare 3pm kick off at the Hawthorns, I find myself with a morning to spare.
What's open from 8am? Wetherspoons, of course. An Adventure Lab Cache provided me with the psycho-geography needed to entertain myself (and possibly you, dear Reader). I need to visit 5 city centre spoons to answer questions in an App. And then reward myself with a pint. Here's what the Cache Owner had to say.
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| The ALC Description |
The Square Peg is the first port of call. Housed in the basement of the Lewis's department store - Timbo described the architecture as being "a square peg in a round hole". And a pub was born.
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| Birmingam, will be great when its finished. |
The largest bar in town - 82.5ft, stat-fans - is little of use when it is manned by just two harassed staff. Still, it would be heartless man that begrudged the act of kindness presented when the girl - who had already marched off twice to fetch the precious coffee cups - offered to hand deliver a pint to the table of a less able gent.
I had to wait 15 minutes for my Brummie Stout (£2.57)
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| The Huge Bar. The kindly staff member. |
Its only amateurs that queue at the bar I decide. At the Briar Rose, I grab a table and fire up the app. It does mean I cannot hide my endeavors from Mrs M, who will see the paypal deduction and deduce that I have been having fry-ups again.
But where are the advertised tomato and mushrooms, with my large breakfast with a side order of black pudding? Twitter knows.
Wetherspoons have run out of tomatoes and will be substituting them on breakfasts & burgers with mushrooms.
— Rob Boyd, Esq (@AvonandsomerRob) February 26, 2023
Fair swap...?
Well I never! In Birmingham, the burgers dont even come with substitute mushrooms.
Pint of the day, Cairngorm Wildcat ESB (£2.57).
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| I enjoyed the art deco furnishings and tiger print bar |
Onwards to the newest of JDWs - housed in the New Street Station. Aim for the Southern Exit, or risk an eternity of aimless wandering.
App put to good use, although better stories would have been found if I had queued behind the two airport style lines. Queue 1 was fronted by a 6'4" gentlemen dressed as a Spanish matador. Queue 2 fronted by four ladies dressed as Smurfs. All painted blue.
Theakston's Old Peculiar (£2.57).
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| JDW - All life contained |
The Dragon Inn in the Chinese quarter next. The only one I didn't like. Dirty, crowded and dingy on the inside. The Black Pheasant (£2.57) was off but I was only told after paying. All other guests off. Ruddles weren't going to cut an expected drubbing at the hands of the most in-form team in Europe, so I attempted an upsell to a Belgian super-brew. I expected to be let off the admin, but no. My server protected Timbo's profits by calculating the difference.
I skulked off outside to see what normal people do before midday, Saturday.
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| Leffe - the bang per buck JDW Winner |
Lesser men might have been tempted to call it a day, but I plough on to the end. Broad Street has two JDWs and my game-setter has chosen the former Lloyds bar, the Solomon Cutler, for the fifth and final question.
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| The Final Spoons |
Exmoor Gold (£2.57).
I complete the ALC review - 5 stars - and consider whether the monopolies commission need to be informed of price fixing or whether 'spoons should be praised for consistency. 8 Ace from viz has his £1.99 multi-pack. I have my £2.57 guest ales.
Dragons apart, it is the latter I decided on.
A pub crawl and belly busting breakfast (pints, the only 5 a day) for less than a score.
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