20/01/24 - Upton Upon Severn - The Pubs and the Old Hills

 Tripadvisor points to Britain's Rudest Landlady

I never need much of an excuse to bang on about Soho's Coach and Horses. Home of Britain's rudest landlord and when I'm rich, I will invest a copy of his memoir - "You're Barred, You Bastards"

Maybe I should make an offer

Norman Balon wasn't your typical pub landlord. He wasn't the jovial, beer-bellied man with a friendly ear and a ready smile. No, Norman Balon was the infamous "rudest landlord in London," a gruff, no-nonsense character who ruled his domain, The Coach and Horses in Soho, with an iron fist (and a sharper tongue).

His reign over the pub, stretching from 1943 to 2006, was legendary. Patrons were greeted with insults as readily as pints, with Balon's barbs ranging from the mildly sarcastic to the hilariously brutal. He reveled in his reputation, even going so far as to have "London's rudest landlord" emblazoned on the pub's exterior and on his own merchandise.

But beneath the gruff exterior, there was more to Balon than meets the eye. He was a shrewd businessman who transformed The Coach and Horses from a struggling establishment into a Soho institution, frequented by artists, writers, and journalists. He was also fiercely loyal to his regulars, offering them a sanctuary from the outside world, even if it came with a side of verbal abuse.

Balon's legacy is complex. Some saw him as a lovable curmudgeon, a character straight out of a Dickens novel. Others found his abrasiveness unbearable. But one thing is undeniable: Norman Balon was a one-of-a-kind figure who left an indelible mark on Soho and the British pub scene.

In an increasingly homogenised world, does this type of character still exist?

Tripadvisor would suggest that the spirit of curmudgeonly public service lives on in the Little Muggery, Upton on Severn. Filtering on the One Star reviews (the most common), an ideal way to waste away an hour. Complaints range from the cash only bar, to general rudeness to customers being accused of interfering with the Christmas Tree.

In the interest of balance, the good reviews point to the quality of the food.  

Just don't read the description of what a 1 star food hygiene rating means

Our room for the night is directly opposite the pub and I couldn't wait to investigate. A quick peek through the window showed the hand written "Cash Only" sign pinned to an unused hand pull. A warning that a previous visit had seen a member of the party ask for a rosé to be told "We have Red and White".

Across the threshold of the Little Upton Muggery

7pm on a Saturday night and our party of four were the only customers. Miriam (or Murial) sat in the rear bar, ready to answer any of our questions that the obvious conversations starters demanded. 

"How many mugs are there?" - 3000

"How long have you had the pub?" - 30 years

"That's quite a smell of cabbage" - Preparation for tomorrow's Sunday lunch

Mugs

"Britain's Oldest Muggery Inn" - A previously unknown sub-genre of pub

I "risked" the Ludlow Best and found it to be pint of the night. There is a good reason for this, as the next pub will reveal. 

Always a little weird visiting a pub with no other punters, but it was an experience and one that should be celebrated.

Who will take this place on next? Whoever it is, it won't be the same  30 years of service gives you the right to run things exactly as you want.

So what else is there is Upton on Severn? Next stop of was the White Lion Hotel. An impressive coaching inn dating from 1510, Multi roomed, hotel "poshness" and a surprising little black and white external sign.

Donnington Brewery. Their latest acquisition, so new they haven't added a walk to their app.

In a world of change, the SBA remains as it ever was and always will be.

And of course, the only Good Beer Guide pub in town had to be checked. Ye Olde Anchor providing St Austell Tribute and charm aplenty - in the way only a black and white timbered pub dating from 1601 can.

The Walk? An uninspiring 3 mile circuit around the Old Hills just out of town. We had some views of the Malvern Hills, lots of mud yet despite being so close, did not get a view of Madresfield Court. One of the longest continually owned houses outside of the Royal Family in the UK.

Forced to google

The Malvern Hills from the Old Hills

Walk Details

Distance - 3 Miles

Geocaches - 0

Walk Inspiration - Ordnance Survey Book 74 - "The Malverns to Warwickshire" - Walk 1 

   

14/01/24 - The (soon to be resurrected) Red Lion at Holt Heath, Worcestershire

 The "Random Walk Generator" leads to pub archaeology 

The Hidden Walks in Worcestershire book (pub. 1999) is used for a second time, a random number generator selecting which location we should head to.

Page 96 - a half page spread on the Red Lion in Holt Heath. The highlights of what we could have won;

"A 350 year coaching house open 12pm - 3:30pm and from 5pm in the evening.... the value for money extends to the French house wine, an alternative to their real ales such as Timothy Taylor and London Pride"

Closed for three years..... but I bring news

Always fascinating, pub archaeology.  A quick google shows that it failed to make its reserve price of £475K at auction 6 months ago but more recent news.... from three days ago - shows it has been purchased and will be converted to an Indian Grill and Bar, opening Spring '24.

The Desi Pub experience gains further momentum from its black country homelands and into the Worcestershire wilds.

Our 6 mile walk is better than we had hoped. I expected a mud bath and although my feet would have been better served by the Scarpa boots I left in the living room, this was a much cleaner walk than we had any right to expect.

Frosty country fields to Ockeridge Woods, fine views across to Abberley from Little Witley, a land that time forgot dingle walk along Shawley Woods and a return along high cliffs along the Severn.

Two Women who will do anything for a Sunday Lunch

Views over to Abberley

Into the dingle along Shrawley Brook

Timed to perfection, we have 13 minutes for those without dementia to change their footwear and drive the 4 miles to the Cross Keys in Ombersley. 

There's always an alternative. There's always hope.

Walk Details

Distance - 6 Miles

Geocaches - 3

Walk Inspiration - Country Walking Magazine, Jan 2001, Walk 9

07/01/24 - St Ann's Well and Worcestershire Beacon

 Guide Dog Ivy's Last Hurrah

Exactly a year since Guide Dog Puppy #3 came to be trained in the dark arts of public transport, cafe culture and pub etiquette. 

She'll grow into those paws

We have 24 hrs until the puppy snatcher comes. Where to take her for her last hurrah?  The Malverns never disappoints.

This is a familiar walk from town, to St Ann's Well, along the eastern side to Wyche, where Shire Ditch will make you the highest living things in Worcestershire.  

St Annes Well for a potential first refreshment stop

Guide Dog Ivy and the stricter of her two handlers

The Highest Dog in Worcestershire

The drop down return to town is along the Green Valley.  

When we meet people and get talking about Ivy, the inevitable question is "But how do you give them back?"

The short answer - cry loads and drink beer.

Starting at the best pub in the land.

Something for everyone at the Nag's Head

Walk Details

Distance - 4 Miles

Geocaches - 0

Walk Inspiration - Cicerone Short Walks in the Malvern Hills, Walk 1

06/01/24 - On the Trail of Richard III

 Leicester by Day

With the pubs ticked off by night, I'm pleased to say my opinion of Leicester has improved in the daylight.

A mixture of Adventure Lab Caching (ALC) and an out of date "Battlefield Walks of the Midlands" book shows me the history of the town. Walk 11 is on the trail of Richard III in Leicester. The City where he was killed in a nearby battle in 1485. The book was written in 2004 and much has happened to the story since.... we now know that his bones were not thrown in the River Soar and lost forever. They have, of course, been found under a council car park and interned into Leicester Cathedral.

This is a super walk to show more of the hidden parts of Leicester. Away from the chaos of deliveroo cyclists and boy racers that terrorise the streets at night.

Adventure Lab Caching makes the start of the walk at De Montfort Square - with New Walk providing a delightful entry into the City. Pedestrianised and through some fine Georgian Architecture.

Beautiful Georgian Square

Leicester Museum along the pedestianised New Walk

The ALCs switch focus to Medieval Leicester and I explore Magazine Gateway and the Castle Grounds. Little remains, yet commerce is alive and well. The Micro pub through Turret Tower called "The Castle".

Magazine Gateway - Freestanding reminder of the City Walls

Turret Tower in the morning sunshine

After a visit to Newarke House Museums to collect ALC clues from the mock up of the Jolly Anglers pub - complete with terrifying motion activated soundtrack - I head for the River Soar. I honestly expected to have to abandon the walk at this point but if there were post Storm Henck floodwaters, they have abated. Even Abbey Park is accessible.

Along the River Soar - Over Weirs, along Canals

A full circuit of Abbey Park

Cardinal Wolsey - with a visited cafe behind

Back into town, to find the Guildhall, Town Hall and the Cathedral.

Cathedral poking out behind the Guildhall

Finding Richard III in the Cathedral

I had saved the JDW as a final Good Beer Guide Tick of the weekend. With the ALC's draining the phone battery, I am hoping to find a nice comfy seat, next to a socket and let the app take the strain.

I hadn't factored in Leicester Tigers being at home. No room at the inn, with every table taken by punters in a uniform of green, white and red stripes. I'll save my shekles for Britain's newest Sir for another day.

First dubious tick of 2024, but there was a Cask Marque Scan

Walk Details

Distance - 6 Miles

Geocaches - 31 ALCs and 1 Traditional

Walk Inspiration - Battlefield Walk in the Midlands, Walk 11

05/01/24 - Good Beer Guide Pubs of Leicester

 Leicester by Night

First blog of 2024 and its a pub crawl.

Only "Tryanuary" here.

I've walked in Leicester once before. In daytime. This is my first experience of the place in the dark, so lets get the moaning out the way. Have I ever been to a more unfriendly place for pedestrians? 

Footpaths are shared with cyclists and there are a about a million of them. All on fat-tyred, electric monsters, where the rider has an extra cube on the back. If this is for extra juice, then why don't they tun their fecking lights on? More likely, they are gig-econmonists feeding city centre dwellers with chicken. Business is obviously booming.

And the cars are worse. Your Mercs are AMGs, your Audis are R or S and they all just bomb around the tight streets at ridiculous speeds, with dodgy music blaring.

Not conducive to a man hunting for the 12 Good Beer Guide Ticks available by the power of Smartphone.

Don't worry - I'll only visit 5

The nearest to my room at Lenny's Purple Palace is The Ale Wagon. A 1930's drinking pub, with a couple of rooms and some nice original features. 

Return of dodgy night time photos

Philfest was 2022

Unsurprisingly as a Leicester newbie, I've not encountered Hoskins beers before. I would like to tell you more about HOB Bitter but what they do for brewing, is at a cost to web site maintenance. Untappd is cryptic but better than a 404 error.

Hoskins Brothers Ales do not brew. All beers are brewed by Tower Brewery. The brothers own the Ale Wagon pub in Leicester and this is the base for a brewery that is brewing both Hoskins ales and ales from the former Oldfield Brewery

Onwards to the first of two Black Country Ales Pubs that are encroaching to the East.  The Salmon is designed to such a corporate standard that I am instantly connected to the WiFi despite never having set foot in the premises before.

BCA - As uniform and corporate as JDW

If you've not been to a BCA pub, expect tradition, a bewildering collection of too many cask ales, cobs, real fires and plenty of customers. The formula works, even if it doesn't set the pub tickers pulse racing.

Magic Brewing Dolphin IPA and the magic of the cup

An unusual card game in flight - that maybe my readers can help out with. Gents playing multiple hands simultaneously (runs, flushes, pairs etc) and keeping score with a pegging board that is similar to a regular crib board but square - maybe nine holes by nine holes?

I am a member of my local BCA's crib team and know my way around pub games but this one was new to me.

The Globe is the oldest pub in Leicester, proudly celebrated on external signage. 

Since 1720

Certainly my sort of pub - a multi-roomer, around a central bar and I progress all around for a nose before settling on the exact room that I entered.

Can always look through the bar to see other room action

An Everards house - its chance to ponder if there is a more tricky pint to rate than Tiger.  It always looks the business, a deep amber, with great lacing. Yet to me, it tastes of next to nothing.

Handsome, yet slightly bland.  Could be talking about me.

My final two pubs are adjacent and could both be described as "Micro with grandeur".

The Two Tailed Lion is a converted Victorian Townhouse, running over two floors. If you have time for only one pub, this would be my recommendation. Head and shoulders above all others visited in terms of beer choice and welcome.

My pub of the night

Mainly purveyors of modern breweries and on today's visit where I saw Marble, Cloudwater and Pomona - modern breweries from Manchester.

But something else caught my eye - I'd read about Braybrooke lagers in Johnny Garrett's A Year in Beer book. This is the first venue I've caught it on sale. 

It didn't disappoint.

"Pint of the Night" in "Pub of the Night"

The Blue Boar is the second micro, playing on the city's history. I know from tomorrow's history walk that Richard III spent the night before the battle of Bosworth in an Inn of this name in a nearby location. It was demolished in 1836, showing that urban planning has been shite for centuries.

A quiet night, where the only other punter was a very drunk OAP lady on cider, was perhaps not best experience but I did get a feel for the range of offerings available. I may still be within the 12 days of Xmas but new year's commitments mean that I am not having pints of St Bernadus or Delirium Xmas Ale for the bargain price of £12.50.

Micro single roomer doing a good impression of a trad pub

Plenty of time to study the boards - This was Bakers Dozen Electric Landlady

5 out of 12 completed. Tomorrow, I concentrate on discovering more of the City's history. In the daylight, when I can see the traffic coming at me.